I haven’t really ever been single, very soon after my first marriage I met Trent. I remember quite distinctly wanting to have a few years of just travelling and dating a few men but nothing too serious.. just some fun. I had relocated my heart (which was found, a bit worse for wear in my big toe) and replaced it in my chest and was just starting to feel ok.
For those who have dated after divorce (first wives club) it is like walking around without your skin on. Everything is super sensitive. It’s like being naked All The Time. My friends who were single took me to see that movie He’s Just Not That Into You. Oh Em Geeee. I decided immediately after to became a cat lady and live alone. Forever. Talk about baptism of fire. I was terrified. Still I was dating.. they started texting me, and I was too frightened to reply and say “ok”. Is ok to lame? Should I write more? And then if I write more than I am too eager? It was awful. Am I supposed to wait a few hours before replying? I would get asked what I was doing and I would have to think up something really cool like doing Pilates or seeing the latest movie when really I had just cleaned my oven and was currently sitting on the couch eating a jar of Nutella in my old PJ’s. Out of all of the beasts (clearly there was a line 2 miles long) Trent was the one who made me laugh the most; I have never met a bigger smartarse then myself until now. When I had our First Big Date I was very kindly emailed a “list” from my friends of what I needed to do..
Talk about football (Trent used to play for Teachers West)
Learn about football
Wear my hair out
Get the girls out
Offer to pay for dinner
Don’t eat any carbs, especially if they have sauce on them
Don’t swear (not even shut up, it unladylike Jessica)
DO NOT DRINK
I went along with the best of intentions.
I forgot to shave, told him how boring I think football is, told him he was taking ME out and as such, must pay for dinner, ordered spaghetti (and spilt most of it on my top), swore TWICE, drank a bottle of wine and then told him a story about how I got drunk one night and got a pad stuck in my hair (resulting in some new bangs).
So it went well.
He called me the next day so it couldn’t have been all bad.
I have a few single friends who go through this agony every few months and if I can give any advice I would say to just be yourself. Yes I know that’s boring advice and probably something your mum would say but it’s true. I couldn’t possibly deliver a Jessica who never swears, doesn’t eat carbs every day and pretends to like football. It’s too exhausting to pretend and he is going to find out anyway. Let him love you for who you really are, even if you have sauce spilt on your top every mealtime. Start as you mean to go on. That’s my Jessica Pearls of Wisdom. I will keep my discussions of nipple hair and furry bottoms to a minimum. Well, at least until after dessert.