With growing population domestic violence incidents are on the rise.
While physical violence is what is often in the media we need to make people aware of verbal and emotional abuse and the effects this can have. Verbal abuse has been on the rise for many years now as it creates a way for an abuser to control and manipulate the victim without leaving physical marks.
Domestic violence has reached epidemic proportions and society in its entirety needs to speak out about it.
Last month we had the privilege to interview Kim Cancellier. An advocate and international spokesperson speaking out about domestic abuse, violence against women and gender based violence.
Kim is the wife to Ricardo and mother to two gorgeous little girls: Indianna and Montanna and clearly the apples of their mum’s eyes.
“While I have many titles the most prestigious title I hold is that of wife and mother. My family is my world, my everything.
I do what I do within society to ensure that they grow up in a positive environment and with the belief that they can achieve their dreams. Nothing is impossible.”
But who is this woman and why does she have such an ambition:
Kim’s life has not always been shining: Kim opens up to The Colourful Housewife to share her story in hope to help others:
“In today’s society of alter egos and hidden agendas it’s hard to know who the ‘good guys’ are. We don’t go out and meet a man and upon request of his personal resume read ‘I will turn your life into a nightmare’.
What starts as the ideal relationship can eventually turn into something that is confusing and much more sinister.
Growing up I was privileged to live in a household with both of my parents. I saw their happiest and proudest moments and I saw them argue like any couple would… But most importantly, I saw them work at their relationship. It was an equal partnership built on a foundation of deep love, admiration and respect for one another. I formed the understanding that relationships weren’t easy and everything fell back onto the importance of communication.
For me what started out as the perfect relationship and remained as such for a number of years turned into a battle. Not a battle between 2 people but a battle within myself.
A battle to remain true to who I was. A battle to remember that I did matter and I wasn’t ‘useless’ or ‘stupid’.
Looking back now I am able to see that this man’s actions towards myself stemmed from his own insecurities and personal problems… At the time it wasn’t so easy.
Being told that you can’t do anything right that you don’t deserve to be treated with respect really chips away at the person you once were. Slowly you feel yourself disappear into the shadows. You come to believe what you are being told and in turn you become the submissive partner the abuser desires. Someone to degrade in order for them to feel superior.
I came to believe that was the life I was meant to live.
I was made to feel guilty about seeing my family and in the end only saw them at christenings or other big occasions and always without my husband as he ‘had to work’ when really he was at the gym or home watching rugby league.
My friends were told not to visit me and I was told I wasn’t to visit them.
Finances were always an issue and I remember vividly one day when I was told that the 5 minute drive to visit his family was a waste of $2 (in fuel)! Money was always a touchy subject.
Then I fell pregnant… The best thing that could have happened to me. It was no longer about the life I felt I deserved, instead it was about the life my unborn child deserved.
I packed a bag and I left. I stayed with family and friends when I could but due to complications throughout my pregnancy I also spent large quantities of time in hospital. It got to a point where I required care within my home and as a result (and after my then partner begged me to return, that he had changed!) I went home. It was only a matter of time before I was being mistreated and while heavily pregnant made to sleep on the lounge as he ‘needed’ the bed.
The day my daughter was born was bittersweet. While his newborn daughter was is neonatal intensive care he was going out having ‘fun’.
My situation escalated out of control. I worried constantly about the life my daughter would lead if I stayed and I realized we were never safe.
One night I was thrown across my driveway and my head smacked against the pavement. I was able to stand up for a minute then passed out. That night as a result of my injuries I ended up in trauma care at the hospital. I had bruising over my body but I was still in denial about what had happened.
Afterwards, a police issued AVO was placed against my ex-husband for this violent attack and in relation to previous acts of domestic abuse.
I returned home but only to pack a suitcase and left in the early hours of the morning leaving everything behind.
Over the following 2 years I received further threats, I was harassed and stalked, even though we were divorced.
I remarried and the threats still came. Only now they were against all of us.
With my husband’s support, I found the courage to speak out and shatter the silence.
Everything that survivors feel is normal. Feelings of inadequacy and rejection. Isolation and fear… The important thing to remember is that you are not alone and there are people out there willing to help, willing to listen. I was able to rebuild my life and so can you.
I am a queen with scars fighting for a future of Queen Without Scars.”
Kim is now a better version of her old self and her life direction has altered.
Competing internationally in pageantry allowed her to meet a number of dedicated women who are out to make a difference. Being a national and international title holder has allowed her to raise her public profile and there reach a greater number of people when speaking out about Domestic Violence and Violence Against Women.
Through pageantry, many doors have opened up for Kim and allowed her to grow as a person (personally and professionally – recently winning a national award for her dedication and work with domestic violence)
Pageantry also provides her with the outlet she needs to continually rebuild her inner self after having it destroyed by her Ex-husband.
August last year Queens Without Scars was formed. Kim is the co-founder alongside Yezenia navaro.
Queens without scars is an international campaign speaking out about violence against women. They have ambassadors and advocates across the globe spreading awareness, educating society on the different types of violence and what support is available as well as empowering women to achieve their dreams.
At queens without scars, they currently have ambassadors and advocates in over 15 countries across the globe
QWS will hopefully become an internationally registered charitable organization that will assist in educating society starting at school levels on the importance of developing healthy loving relations, gender equality and empowerment.
They will continue to support as many women as possible as well as spread the world that VAW / DV is never to be tolerated.
They will also continue work closely with victims on rebuilding their life, as well as continue their fight to have legislation amended or changed to better benefit the victim.
You can help show your support by following the Queens Without Scars Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/queenswithoutscars and be sure to keep an eye for the launch of their new Website.
“Speak out. You aren’t alone and there are people to listen to your story. You deserve respect, love and happiness. Fight for your own better future. We have faith that you can do it!”
Kim also runs empowerment / mentor campaigns.
It’s a couples empowerment class and she teaches – ‘CRR’ … It is like CPR because it can save a relationship. What she teaches is the importance of Communication Romance Respect. Without these 3 elements it extremely difficult to have a successful happy relationship. By incorporating CRR into a relationship each person with form a much deeper understanding for the other and will become compatible on an entirely new level.
Thier aim is also to help society to see women as ‘queens’. Someone who deserves respect and who should be honored. That’s not to say that women are better or higher than men but if a man treats his woman as his queen he will become her king. The children become princes and princesses. Fairy tales do exist. We just need to create them for ourselves
You can follow Kim and her success via her website www.kimcancellierofficial.com or Facebook page
Further information referred to in this blog post or for Media opportunities you can contact Kim Cancellier via her website www.kimcancellierofficial.com